The Elimination of FOMO!

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The Fear of Missing Out, something I think this generation is cursed with. We are constantly assaulted with all of the wonderful things that everyone  around us is doing. At any given minute any of our friends could be on a cruise, drinking margarita’s in the sun. But the worse cases of FOMO for me happen with things that are right down the road, they are things you easily could have attended if you had only known about it before it popped up on your instagram feed. This was the source of the most anxiety for me living in a city, what could I be doing instead of sitting on my couch curled up with my husband. Which is something I greatly enjoy doing, but someone just posted about a flea market in Cap Hill, and that new movie I wanted to see (or like semi wanted to see, or everyone says I should see) just came out. Or I know that the jazz group is putting on swing dancing lessons tonight, and I have always wanted to learn to swing dance. Or something as simple as I haven’t posted a good beer drinking picture on the instagram lately I should probably go check out a new brewery.

I always wanted to keep up with the pace of everyone around me, I wanted to be doing something just as cool, just to prove that I could. I didn’t even notice this was the source of my anxiety until it was eliminated from my life. Like most of the people in my generation the constant assault of instagram, Facebook, snapchat posts had simply become my normal.

And since I didn’t have very many friends I was constantly forcing my husband to do all of these things with me and even though I didn’t think this was causing me anxiety but here Except for the fact that the first weekend my friends in the PNW all did something together without me, I panicked to the point of literally making Mr. get in the car with me and just drive. . literally just drive so I wouldn’t be at the house. But I wasn’t stressed at all right? Here, I am not even a month later just realizing that that is exactly what it was doing, I wasn’t happy or excited for my friends, I would hit like on all of their posts and comment how cute they looked doing XYZ, but secretly I was wishing they would have invited me, or that I would have been somewhere even cooler.

Last month when we moved to the mountains I feared the fear of missing out for the first time cognitively  I worried about the concerts I would miss being in the middle of nowhere the nights of eating out at my favorite restaurants I wouldn’t get to do anymore. But here I am feeling the most content in my adult life

Here in our mountain town there are now raging parties happening on Friday night, there are no spur of the moment pop ups happening  in downtown. You don’t have to worry about that new movie because no one else has seen it either. But you can count on being invited to the all town broom hockey on Monday night, and you can probably count on watching the Bachelor with the ladies. You may not know everyone in the town very well but you can ensure that they all have a fairly similar life that you do.  And that when there is something going on you will know. I cannot be attached to my phone at all times, because it only works in the wifi, at my house! so I don’t need to look at what everyone else is posting during my lunch break or worry about making sure I post something every time I do something cool. I can focus on God, and life and the people around me. I can engage in conversations without any worry of phone interruptions I can meet new people because I am not too concerned with what the old people are doing. I can actually connect to the world around me.

It has been the most scary and freeing part of living here so far, the ability to immerse myself in the beauty around me the people, the mountains, the living where I can count the stars. I can enjoy life without any FOMO, and that has made all the difference.

-Rae

This argument again . .. REALLY?

I was scrolling on my Instagram when I came across this DM to the texlaxed page, photo I am pretty sure I have addressed this issue in our community before but this post got me all worked up about it again, so here I am.

Seriously people why do the women in our community insist on making these dividing lines based on HAIR. We are all trying to match what we feel inside, whether being confident means having your natural hair, relaxed hair, wearing wigs or braids, why does that matter? We are all a part of a much more important community than how we choose to style our hair and that is what should matter. You shouldn’t be walking down the street, and think ” oh that nappy headed girl doesn’t take care of herself” Or “Oh that girl with the relaxer is out of touch with her true self.” None of us have the right to make those judgements. Healthy hair is healthy hair, no matter how you achieve it, natural hair that is not taken care of is not any more healthy than relaxed hair.

Everyone can be beautiful whatever that means for their hair, we should promote taking care of our hair. And a woman that relaxes her hair is in no way trying to hide her heritage or her culture, come on people the fact that she has straight hair doesn’t make her any less black and a woman rocking her natural hair isn’t any more in touch with her culture, because of her hair. We are trying to be ourselves no matter how we express that.

It is time to build each other up, remember that we are all after the same thing, healthy hair that makes us feel beautiful. So even if you don’t agree with relaxing your hair, or if you are against the natural hair movement. Get over it. It is not your hair, you may be relaxed for years and then go natural, you may be natural for years and decide one day you want to straighten your hair and then we are all in the same boat. Worry about your own hair, and support the women of our community no matter their hair.

We are all beautiful, and don’t you let anyone tell you otherwise. 

Ok Rant over.

❤ Kelsi Rae

Dear #DearWhiteBoyfriend

WARNING, this post has NOTHING to do with hair, What? I know, right? But here it is. 

So my boyfriend, yes my white boyfriend and I have an ongoing joke about the #DearWhiteBoyfriend, whenever he does something that could have been insensitive we use this # to let him know. Don’t get me wrong, he is not insensitive and we are doing this in a completely joking way , but there are people out there that actually use this # in a serious manner and that is more what I want to talk about here. So my boyfriend is honestly just unaware of how some of the things he says could be viewed as insensitive to his “WOC” girlfriend, this insensitivity happens very rarely and is never something that upsets me. So when I first discovered the buzz feed article completely dedicated the #dearwhiteboyfriend posts I was astonished. Mostly because these women think that they somehow have the right to use this kind of language, I understand that their boyfriends are one white and two don’t understand some of the WOC issues but that doesn’t give us the right to use their caucasionness against them. 

Race is not something that has come into my relationship, this time around. In the past I have had boyfriends, most of my boyfriends have been white, that were just blatently insensitive about things, and I often got comments like ” But what, you don’t love fried chicken and grape koolaid” or ” I am dating the most white black girl ever” Both of these things were hurtful and over time wore on those relationships, but if I would have turned around and created a social media outlet about these occurrences I would simply have been turning the racism back on them. Why do these women stay with these men and complain about them on twitter, but don’t take the time to educate them about why these things are hurtful to WOC. I try to assume positive intentions ( there is my teacher talk coming out again) and by assuming positive intentions I am going to assume that my boyfriend, did not mean to offend me. Clearly these women have chosen to date a white male and must understand that they have probably not grown up having to understand which of their statements appear racist. However they are now dating a WOC and clearly are making an attempt to bridge those race gaps, therefore I believe instead of banning together and hating on our white boyfriends online, why don’t we teach them what is hurtful and why, what is the background of some of these stereotypes and how they have evolved over the years. That way we aren’t becoming the very thing we are trying to get away from in our interracial relationships because then we couldn’t get mad when they turn around and create a #Dearblackgirlfriend 

Social Rant for the day, check! 

#DearWhiteboyfriend , #LoveyourWOC

❤ Kelsi Rae