Live Like It’s Spring!

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Live like it’s Spring. . . Spring. . .what does it mean to live like it is Spring? What does Spring represent? New life, growth, change, the warming of the seasons and the growth of the flowers. The way that everything seems to have possibilities as the world emerges from the snow and glum of winter? If you live somewhere that doesn’t have seasons, none of this Spring talk probably hits you in the feels, but for me a Colorado turned California mountain girl, it gets me.

 

Last summer was the first summer since I was 15 that I wasn’t working. I didn’t work summer school, or camp, I wasn’t working part-time at a pizza place or movie theatre. I was a teacher, on full on teacher summer. I had June, July, and part of August to just relax, do some DIY projects and hang out with my husband. Older teacher friends applauded me for taking the summer and talked about how I needed it to recharge after the crazy year in Special Education that I had. I was excited to sleep in, forget what day of the week it was, and maybe drink wine during the week without a reason.

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That lasted about a week. . .

After about a week I was BORED, I needed something to keep me occupied that wasn’t burning through 2 books on the “Hot Summer Reading List”  a week! I watched as other teacher friends my age went on hikes and to the pool and on road trips. .. all without inviting me. My best friends all moved across the country one by on to the Pacific Northwest  and I was feeling alone. Making friends as an adult. . .. SUCKS! I watched people I thought were my friends live a Teacher Summer like I thought I was supposed to live. But that teacher summer was only leaving me feeling like a 16-year-old girl who didn’t get invited to the prom.

 

Fast Forward to this summer, I am again taking the summer off. I have spent the summer hosting guests, going on one of those road trips that would have made me cry last summer. And spent many days paddle boarding on the lake 5 minutes from my house.

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SO what has changed? And what does it say about “Living like it’s Spring”

Well in my life, a lot has changed and a lot as stayed the same; we moved from CO to a tiny town in CA, I have a new job at a much different school. But I am still married, my best friends still live 1000 miles away from me, I live in a place with fewer options of activities throughout the day, but this summer I spend my days peacefully not full of anxiety about what I “should” be doing.

 

So I ask again, What has changed?

Me!

I have figured out how to live like it’s spring! Live like something new is always growing, something could change right around the corner. No matter how gray the sky is now, no matter how many feet of snow the winter dumps on you. Remember to live like tomorrow the sun is going to come out and you can jump into the lake! I still don’t love Summer, I still need a project to keep myself active, I still would make a horrible trophy wife. But I am content with here I am in life now, I am not comparing myself to the people around me and wondering “why they don’t like me” or why I wasn’t invited to this or that (Okay I still do both of those things sometimes) But somehow my life ended up somewhere I never pictured, In a tiny town 60 miles from the closest grocery store. Where I could name almost every full-time resident of the town and during the winter there is literally NO restaurants open during the week. But I also can’t remember a time since college that I have been this content in how all the pieces of my life fit together. I love waving to people as I walk through town, I love having dinner by the lake and knowing at least 10 people sit around me. I love having the sense of community that comes with living in a place where we all are forced to do life together without our cell phones.

 

My life looks nothing like I thought it would a year ago, but Hey maybe it is Spring.

I am just over here watching myself Bloom!

 

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The Legacy of the Wolves

Once in college someone said that hanging out with me and one of my best friends was like hanging out with a pack of wolves. IE we chewed you up cause we were so mean. We laughed it off and made a joke about it then, that was probably 5 years ago now, but lately as I am trying to make new friends in the adult world I am thinking about that statement a lot and how it has actually impacted the way I look at myself and my interactions with the world.

I was that girl that when people introduced you to me they would say, She’s is kind of feisty, sassy, loud, bitchy. . . insert sort of offensive word but made to sound nice here. And when I was with my close group of friends I could laugh that off, and kind of play it up. Like yes I am pretty honest, and sometimes sassy but I think I am love able and you will appreciate me for it, and if you don’t well I have this tight group of friends that will. But as we grow up and that group of friends moves away or moves on . . . I am left being that “bitchy” girl that believes she doesn’t deserve friends.

Why would anyone want to be my friend if I am like a pack of wolves, essentially a wolf without her wolf pack. . it is just me and that doesn’t make me a wolf pack that makes me a bitch. And so I find myself making myself small, quiet, reserved so that I don’t offend people and make them not want to be my friend. Gone is the girl that was honest almost to a fault and here is a girl who hides herself and true feelings from almost everyone in her life.

I find myself so desperate to have friendships but then when someone likes me I feel empty because I can never truly be myself or I will go right back to that sassy black friend that you have to explain away to your friends.

I went to visit my best friends recently and met their friends in their new city, and this is how they explained me once again before I even met these people as a feisty girl, but why? Were you preparing them that I may be rude and unpredicatble? That I may say something and to not take me to seriously because I am feisty.

I don’t want to always be the feisty girl the girl that “Is a bitch but you’ll get used to it” I just want to be someone that is worthy enough to be loved for who she is. . someone that is confident enough again to be open and honest and still expect people to want to be my friend at the end. . .

Throw out your scale and celebrate your success!

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A major component of the Whole30 that has been difficult for me is the concept of not weighing yourself for the entire 30 days. I enjoy this concept not because I want to stop weighing myself but because of the reason given in It All Starts With Food, the makers of the Whole30 don’t care if you loose weight, this is not a weight loss program, it is a program to become more healthy and aware of the food we are putting in our body, And yes as a result of this you will loose weight, but this is also not always reflected on the scale, sometimes you are loosing inches off of your waist and not moving in pounds because you are gaining muscle. I have been working hard to focus on the weigh I feel and my body composition rather than simply the number on the scale tells me.

With that said it is day 28 of my Whole 30, we are finished on Sunday and I have some major( for me) non scale victories I would like to share before Monday when I jump on the scale and share with all of you the actual numbers, but first forget the scale lets see what has happened in the last 30 days!

First of all I have been trying to “become a runner” for about 4 months now, I started out walking for a minute and than running for a minute, at this point in January I found myself staring at the count down from about 30 seconds on, which means I could only run for 30 seconds comfortably. By the time I started the Whole30 I was able to run for about 3 minutes, still pretty uncomfortably, but I could do it.

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This happened last week! Over 2 miles in 30 minutes!  I accomplished this by running for 10 whole minutes!! Then walking for 2, running for 5 minutes and walking for 5 and then running for 1 or 2. It was not even it did not follow a prescribed running plan, but it was amazing to me! I probably could have kept going after 10 minutes in the beginning too!

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Then there are these pieces of clothing! The white shirt on the left is a medium and it is a littler loose! I am also wearing my favorite pants in that picture, they are way too big for me now, I am waiting to buy new ones next week.

The dress on the left was a dress I purchased last summer and then rarely wore it because I always felt like I was just busting out of its seams. While I still would like to look a little better in it. I can see my curves again and I was comfortable wearing it out of the house.

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And lastly there is this! NO MUFFIN TOP! See ya later flab! I could have taken a picture of a pair of pants that were slightly big on me before and by week two they were literally clown pants that I had to get rid of but I threw them out already.

I am very excited to see what the scale says on Monday, but looking back over the past 30 days I am more than happy with these non-scale victories!

Don’t always focus on the numbers, we are so much more than numbers. The Whole30 has taught me a new outlook on my body composition and the food that is playing a role in that. Even though it has been hard, the last week seemingly the hardest (surprising for me too) it has been worth it!

Mr. and I are going to transition into what I fondly call Pretty Much Paleo after a cheat week from our whole30, I will let you know how it goes, but can’t go back to how things were before now!

What non-scale victories do you cherish? What was the first piece of clothing that made you stop and think “this doesn’t fit” or when you could put on those “skinny” jeans or dress or skirt or shirt and it fit?

We all need those small motivators to get us through a lifestyle change!

❤ Kelsi Rae

Whole30 hangover!

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I am on day 2 of my first whole30. . you read that right, day2. And I feel like shit.

I started looking into the whole30 about two weeks ago and then committed and bought the book, read as much as I could, began working to convince Mr. to do it with me and set to work planning our meals for the next 4 weeks and 2 days.

I love to organize things, plans make me more happy than they ever should. I have been told on many occasions, ” God you are such a Type A.” like that is an insult. . you would not be getting an A on this project if it wasn’t for my plan so you should thank me and not try and use my personality as a put down.

But anyways I started making our plan I scoured the internet through all the resources that whole30.com gave me, I found all the blogs I could handle from, http://meatified.com/ ( my personal favorite, a kindred spirit if you will, she has a full 30 days of meals broken down into breakfast, lunch and dinner) to http://stupideasypaleo.com/category/whole30-2/ ( Also wonderful and such a catchy name) to find the best recipes and plans to tackle the first 30 days of this plan. I found myself becoming more and more excited. . I can do this, I can change my life in thirty days.

Then I found this post on Whole30.com, talking about EPS, empty plate syndrome, it states that most failures occur because people didn’t have a plan for what they are going to eat, so it is much more convenient to just grab something and go. And in this program when you fail you start from day 1, no cheat days for 30 days. Most people fail because they don’t have a plan. . I love plans, at this point I already had a new evernote notebook filled with breakfasts, lunches, dinners, sides and sauces, broken down by number and linked to weekly meal plans.( If I get it organized enough I will post links to this notebook the recipes have been compiled from all over the web, and I will add a few of my own.)

Lack of a plan, psh I got this. I was so confident going in that day 1 breezed by, just like they said it would.

And now here I am on the Day 2 hangover. . my “last mea weekend” that I had before starting the Whole30 yesterday is coming back to bite me. I crawled out of bed this morning, cursed the sun and everyone that loves it as I drove to school.

I have zero desire to eat the lunch I packed which two days ago when I prepped it sounded delicious for the whole week, I don’t have any idea how I am going to survive my 12 hour work day without my starbucks and chocolate scone. .

But there I was sitting at my breakfast table by myself this morning at 6 am, eating my pre-made breakfast casserole. ( Which is delicious) Planning how to get through today. this whole30 hangover must be a test of will power, and I am going to kick it in the butt,

I am doing the Whole30 just as much to prove to myself that I can as I am to change my eating habits!

It starts now. . Si Se Puede!

Now to wait for day 4 and 5: KILL ALL THINGS! 

Well that should be a fun weekend for Mr. B. and I!

P.s. Prepare yourself for 30 days of whole30 talk, hopefully it will inspire some and annoy others, and help keep me accountable to my goals.

Tips to get through KILL ALL THINGS, and into I just want to take a nap. I am happy to read them all and add them to my plan. .. because if it isn’ clear by now. I love plans.

❤ Kelsi Rae