When you force me to choose- I fall decidedly into “Person of Color’

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I came across this article this morning on my way to 6 am yoga, ok no not like while I was driving but when I was in the parking lot trying to get up the courage to go inside, this is a daily occurrence at yoga.

I found this article and was immediate sucked in, it was like my soul mate the other half of my thoughts was living in Washington D.C teaching middle instead of Elementary school and had the wire right into my brain. I read every word and then took the brave move and shared it on facebook, now this is something that I normally reserve for cute videos of animals and occasionally  selfie of my new hair do, but never politically posts. . . I mean never. I am an avid facebook debate watcher. . but never a participator. But this spoke to me in a way that I cannot express.

Today is another day that you force me to choose which race I am and every time you make me choose I fall decidedly in Person of Color, I am a privileged person by any standard, not from the upper class but solidly privileged, I never had to worry about food at night, I was always feed, and had any opportunity that I wanted I played club volleyball at 2,000 dollars a year for 5 years. I graduated undergrad with zero school loan debt, and when I wanted to apply for a 30,000 dollar grad program my mom said, “Ok we will make it work.” I fully understand my privilege.

But I am also half black and this is the part of me that people see, this is my first impression, the black girl, I will still be greeted with the “You are such a white black girl” and ” you are really well spoken, where are you from.”

I will still be looked at differently when I walk down the street in a predominantly black neighborhood, or a white one, whether I am alone or with my very very white bearded fiance.

So I am privileged and I am black, that is the race I am forced to choose, I am forced to check a box over and over to choose my race. And this decision has been made more and more important in light of recent events, I can feel the pain of my students, when they run to me, and only me, the only black teacher at their school to tell me that Johnny called them a Nigger and that is why he punched him and got suspended.

I cry at night for the boys that I know that are already understanding the systematic movement from a general education classroom, because as a black male, the are more scary to their teachers when they get mad,

Because no matter how easy I had it growing up. People still view me as  a Black citizen, I am a statistic, my Black father walked out on us and left me with a single mother, I grew up in a town full of KKK members,I attended a good university and have move easily through life.

Some people want to attribute my failures to the color of my skin, but they also want to give my skin color my successes, I also got into that school because of affirmative action,  I only got that job because they needed to meet some arbitrary quota.

So if being black gets my successes and my failures, what do I get? I get to support the feelings of the rest of Black America,.

If this i the case I must choose being a Person of Color. And I must try and force all of the people around me to see the feelings the VALID feelings of this entire race of people. They cannot be swept under the rug, and turned into only a reason for violence. They cannot be labeled as Thugs and criminals for trying to express themselves in the only way that they know how, because they have been systematically taught that no one will hear them when they speak. They have not been taught the proper way to communicate, to debate, to speak on a politcal framework, because there is no one there to teach them, there are people there to shuttle them through 12 years to get them to the street or prison. To create a culture of Thugs.

So as an educated, privileged, BLACK women, I believe I have to, I have to say I choose you! And because someone taught me how to have these conversations because I was allotted these things from happen chance of birth, that I was born to a white single mom in a state where my color was subtly scoffed, and not openly punished. I have to take the time to stand up and say I hear you, at the very least I hear you!

Please Please Take the time to read the original article. she just wants you to listen. . . that is the very least you can do.

http://www.salon.com/2015/04/29/dear_white_facebook_friends_i_need_you_to_respect_what_black_america_is_feeling_right_now/

❤ Kelsi Rae

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Your legs are not giving out, your head is giving up. . . keep going!

This commercial has been coming on frequently as I binge watch America’s Next Top Model this week. And everytime I think the same thing. . . “That is totally me.”

The girl that walks into looking for that middle seat, because clearly it is the only acceptable one, the front is just much to exposed but in the back I could get lost. The girl at her first day of yoga just hoping it is going to somehow make me better, less stressed, more peaceful, stronger, more in tune with my yogic breathing whatever that means. The girl who is running, if you can call the turtle like crawl, that is probably slower than some peoples walk running. But Every time you get to the end as the sweat pours down your head and you think I did it

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 I find myself repeating this mantra over and over again during these times.

Especially last Sunday when I decided that for my first Yoga class in like 3 years I would attend Yoga Tone, having no idea wha that entailed. And when I say first class in three years, 3 years ago I was attending beginning Yoga at the University rec center where frequently football players would join and fall asleep in the middle of class, not exactly the most difficult of yoga times.

So into yoga tone i went grabbed my 3 and 5 pound weights, Inner monologue – Weights why do I need weights for yoga isn’t this supposed to be peaceful. 

Walked past the “Silence in the studio sign” and Oh God I am not peaceful enough for this  and rolled out my rented mat sat down, silently of course and waited for class to start. All was well until we busted out the weights about halfway through the class and I thought I was going to die, stomach churning, legs shaking, brain screaming kind of pain, but in a class of 5 you can’t just stop.

” Your legs are not giving out your head is giving up. . . your legs are not giving out your head is giving up . . . your legs are not giving out your head is giving up. . . ” Repeat this for about 30 minutes and I have made it through YogaTone,

Needless to say I did not come out of it feeling more at peace and in tune with my Yogic Breathing, But I was stronger, and more sore, for the next three days or so. But stronger and I could feel it.

It felt good enough to go back, the next day, and the next day. Not to yogatone specifically that I need at least a week break from but to a class.

I hope that if you are like me and fear looking like an idiot or like someone will criticize you for being new to _____ insert exercise here, that you will do it. Fight that voice in your head that says you can’t whether it is a mental block or physical get out there, do all that you can, find the time in your busy schedule even if it is just 15 minutes to move. Find that yogic breathing, or get out there and hit something ( boxing is my favorite workout) because as much as we think people care, they don’t have time to judge you when we are all so busy being self conscious about ourselves. So do it for you. . whatever it is you have been thinking about. . . You will be better for it.

I can feel the burn in my legs, the same as when I run and I can feel myself, my mind and my body getting better. So thank you Nike I am not sure I will start buying for clothes or shoes but I know that I am . . .

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Photo Friday. . . Crochet Braids edition

So let me start off by saying I love crochet braids, they are quick and so much fun! This is my third instal and my love for them grows every time. The first time I installed them was with Marley Hair and while this look is wonderful on so many of my favorite youtube vixons, it was a hot mess on me. First I looked like a straight up lionness, not in a good way and then after many trials and even more errors if that is possible I got it to be manageable for a couple of weeks. . . but after so much boiling and curling and straightening the hair felt corse and hard so they didn’t last long.

Then I have done two installs with this hair, Bobbi Boss Deep Pony curls and i love it! This hair is light and mangeable and the whole process from start to finish only took me 3 hours! BOOM!

IMG_1321So soem differences with this instal, I no longer have a roommate to do my cornrows for me and I still have not mastered them on myself, so I did this install on two strand flat twists. I did a slightly different braid pattern for the bang area but mostly just 10-12 braids straight back will do ya.

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My part. .. need I say more? I am pretty happy with this part, my only concern with my last instal was that my part began to separate and looking back on pictures when I had them I was concerned with the look of the part, but overall I like it

FullSizeRender And then there they are, 3 hours on a Thursday night later and I have beautiful bouncy curls! AndI love them! This was one of the styles that I loved all the way untill I removed them andI would have kept them longer if my hair allowed. So hear is to hoping i Love them as much this time!

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This picture is clearly from before I did the instal but I love it! My shirt is from the talent show I did at my school this week, I think I will dedicate a “Proud Teacher” post to it, but for now #Roman’sArmy!

❤ Kelsi Rae

What is up with my hair?

So for a hair blog I feel like I have been neglecting to tell you about my hair for awhile now! Well it is still there, it has not been chopped off or harmed in any way. I have also not done any new protective styles, for oh a few months now

I think when the last twists only lasted about a week I decided it was time to take a break from them for awhile. And to be honest I have been loving my hair lately. I have been rocking the wash and go most of the time like it ain’t no bodies business.

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I tried my first fishtail braid a couple of weeks ago and I loved it! It is actually a super easy braid, and that is coming from someone who still hasn’t mastered how to to a frenchbraid on myself yet. It is easy it holds all my hair out of my face and looks much more complicated than it is. And as an added bonus that just means that my hair is finally long enough to do braids like this as a style.

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Wash and go 1,2 and 3! The second two pictures come from the same day, it was the day Mr. and I signed on our first house together and picked out his tux for the wedding!  Very exciting day! And my hair was large and wonderful! I love the volume and body that each wash and go brings and I can normally get two to three days of wear out of it.

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This is a twist out on a three day old wash and go! Mr. suprised me with a concert of one of my favorite bands this night, i loved him for it and I loved my hair and shirt that night! Really we were just rocking it that evening!

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This picture has nothing to do with my hair, except for the fact that I rocked a messy bun that day, my hair is very insignificant in this picture! But I love it!  I was feeling sassy and wanted to show up my nails and my ring! because really who doesn’t. But I thought this was a fun way to do just that.

So there it is. . my hair for the last month. I am getting the itch to straighten it and check the length so maybe at next wash day we will see how we are coming. Three more months till my hair’s big day. .. my wedding, so I guess there is more to that day than my hair. But just barely right?!

❤ Kelsi Rae

Whole30 Transformation . . Sorry its not Tuesday!

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So we finished our Whole30 on Monday and boy am I glad! We are taking a week long break, and then moving into the Pretty Much Paleo phase of our lives, I keep saying that Pretty Much Paleo and I keep promising I will write more about it, and I will . . . I promise! But I just love the way it sounds so I like to mention it as often as possible!

So did Whole30 change my life in 30 days?

Well yes and no, I think that it changed my perspective on things some, not completely and I like that I lost 10 pounds and inches that I haven’t measured but our visible even in these pictures. I guess you could say that it changed my perspective because I am going to become pretty much paleo, but I am going to allow myself more freedom in what I do indulge on. It will not a be a strictly NO anything, life for me ( Ok except Soda, because those 250 empty calories are just never worth it in my mind) I am going to make myself my Paleo Parmesan Chicken ( my favorite recipe from the Whole30) and enjoy a nice cold beer, or 3 tonight and feel no guilt about it. I am going to be more conscious of the food choices I am making while understanding that they are just that, choices! I have the choice to have ice cream after church, but I also have the power to sit in the Ice Cream Shop and drink my water and enjoy good company. I have the choice, no matter how much I want that piece of cake, I don’t have to have it.

So this shift has been good, but I still love cake, and whoever says that these foods stop tasting good after the Whole30 days, what did you do? Because cake still tastes like a slice of heaven in my mind, and those Crispy M&M’s that are making a comeback taste like 8th grade!

I am very happy with the physical results of the Whole30 and hope to maintain this weight and possibly loose 10 more pounds over the next few months, we will see, I have to get my weight loss in before my dress fitting so we will see how much more happens.

But most of all I am proud of my running.

I have always hated running, I played volleyball in high school, sprints, shuffles, wall sits, drills I could do, but on distance running days I was miserable. But I could do it. I remember during those years each year for try outs we had to run a mile in under 12 minutes I can remember thinking, “Damn that is slow, I could walk a mile in 12 minutes.” And now I am just happy to be running a mile at all, no matter how long it takes, and let me just tell you when I started running this year it was no where close to in 12 minutes.

I started running in January, and at this point it was mostly walking with some minutes of running in there. By the time I got to the Whole30 in March I could run 3 solid minutes without stopping and I felt pretty damn proud of it!

Now after the Whole30 I have consistently been running for 10 minutes, then walking for 2, running for 5 and then working my way down from there. Running over 2 miles in 30 minutes. Which still clocks me in at about an average of a 14-15 minute mile but I am running. And I am PROUD!

I have friends that are training for their 2nd or 3rd Marathon and some that are training for their first 50k, (who the hell does that), they will post pictures to instragram of their 20 mile runs on the weekends, and I am over here all I ran a mile without stopping!! I don’t even care how it looks to them, pathetic, whatever I am proud! This is an accomplishment for me.

I can feel those 20 pounds that are gone, I feel lighter when I run, I feel like I look more like a runner when people see me and it feels good. I am beginning to be one of those people that enjoys running, something I was almost proud not to be before, now I can clear my head as I go over the hills and the turns, or even as I feel the treadmill move under my feet, I am getting better.

So there it is, my whole30 transformation, did it change my life in 30 days. . . Why don’t you tell me?

<3Kelsi Rae

An Open Letter to the Bad Kids. . .

This goes out to the student who sat down today and with a straight face told me, ” I am a bad kid.” When I asked why he thought that he told me that is what the assistant principle said. This comes after the assumption that this student took his Ipad home, because there was a picture of his mother on it, when in fact he was just smart enough to figure out how to Google his mothers name. Something the administration couldn’t figure out, when this fact was pointed out to them they refused to apologize to him, 10 year olds don’t deserve apologizes do they?

This goes out to you. . . because someone has to tell you

I want you to know that you are smart, and funny, and most likely way to witty and creative for people to handle. That you are an outlier not because you are bad but because they can’t hold you down, you do not assimilate to the classroom culture and you shouldn’t let that discourage you. Keep it up.

I want you to know that you can do the work in your classroom, that sometimes you just want to demonstrate the little power that you have in anyway that you can, While this may seem like a show of strength to you, by not doing your work you are only hurting yourself. Demonstrate your strength with your knowledge.

You need to know that compared to most of your suburban, educated, mostly white teachers you are a foreign entity. The stories you tell about the life you have to live outside of school probably astounds them. No matter how many classes you take on being culturally responsive, when you watch a 10 year old take care of his little brother and sister day after day, walk them to class, make sure that they get picked up. When you hear the stories about the 6 extra people living in your apartment it is hard to handle, and some people handle it better than others. Some people see your potential your grit, and resiliency that you show just for showing up at school each day and producing some work. Some people see how these skills will make you more marketable in the work force, some people will hone these skills with you and teach you how to regulate all of the many emotions coursing through your brain at anytime.

But some people will see a problem to be fixed, they will see a situation that must be diminished and overcome. They will see you as a deficit already, at 10 years old they will wash away all of your potential. And because of that they will write you off, they will call you a bad kid and keep a running record of your grievances in their mind. They will let your get away with not doing the work, not because they care about your situation, but because they think that is all you can do.

Accept this challenge! Rise to this occasion, to prove them wrong!

When those few teachers yell at you and sit you down one on one and make you do the work. When those teachers allow you to sit in their rooms for hours on end when you have been removed from another classroom. When you think that teacher couldn’t be any harder on you, just know it is out of love.

These are the teachers that know what you can do, they yell at you because it isn’t acceptable for you to not do the work they won’t accept anything less than the best from you, because to allow the circumstances outside of school to affect would be doing all of your amazing qualities a disservice. They are yelling and not taking your shit because they love you.

They know just when to give a little to not push to hard, but to still get the most work done.

My worst fear is that you will adopt that label of a “bad kid” as the truth. As I have already seen you doing as an amazing 10 year old. There is absolutely nothing inherently bad about you, sometimes you make bad choices, but someone has to teach you why they are bad, the choices you make are not you!

I want you to know that SI SE PUEDE! No matter what anyone, even yourself tells you. You can do this. You can overcome a system that was never designed to benefit you. but at its core, at the root of it was designed to keep you out of it. This system is yours, you are the future.

And the only thing Bad about you is how Bad Ass, you are going to make this world when you show everyone what you are made of.

❤ Kelsi Rae

Throw out your scale and celebrate your success!

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A major component of the Whole30 that has been difficult for me is the concept of not weighing yourself for the entire 30 days. I enjoy this concept not because I want to stop weighing myself but because of the reason given in It All Starts With Food, the makers of the Whole30 don’t care if you loose weight, this is not a weight loss program, it is a program to become more healthy and aware of the food we are putting in our body, And yes as a result of this you will loose weight, but this is also not always reflected on the scale, sometimes you are loosing inches off of your waist and not moving in pounds because you are gaining muscle. I have been working hard to focus on the weigh I feel and my body composition rather than simply the number on the scale tells me.

With that said it is day 28 of my Whole 30, we are finished on Sunday and I have some major( for me) non scale victories I would like to share before Monday when I jump on the scale and share with all of you the actual numbers, but first forget the scale lets see what has happened in the last 30 days!

First of all I have been trying to “become a runner” for about 4 months now, I started out walking for a minute and than running for a minute, at this point in January I found myself staring at the count down from about 30 seconds on, which means I could only run for 30 seconds comfortably. By the time I started the Whole30 I was able to run for about 3 minutes, still pretty uncomfortably, but I could do it.

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This happened last week! Over 2 miles in 30 minutes!  I accomplished this by running for 10 whole minutes!! Then walking for 2, running for 5 minutes and walking for 5 and then running for 1 or 2. It was not even it did not follow a prescribed running plan, but it was amazing to me! I probably could have kept going after 10 minutes in the beginning too!

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Then there are these pieces of clothing! The white shirt on the left is a medium and it is a littler loose! I am also wearing my favorite pants in that picture, they are way too big for me now, I am waiting to buy new ones next week.

The dress on the left was a dress I purchased last summer and then rarely wore it because I always felt like I was just busting out of its seams. While I still would like to look a little better in it. I can see my curves again and I was comfortable wearing it out of the house.

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And lastly there is this! NO MUFFIN TOP! See ya later flab! I could have taken a picture of a pair of pants that were slightly big on me before and by week two they were literally clown pants that I had to get rid of but I threw them out already.

I am very excited to see what the scale says on Monday, but looking back over the past 30 days I am more than happy with these non-scale victories!

Don’t always focus on the numbers, we are so much more than numbers. The Whole30 has taught me a new outlook on my body composition and the food that is playing a role in that. Even though it has been hard, the last week seemingly the hardest (surprising for me too) it has been worth it!

Mr. and I are going to transition into what I fondly call Pretty Much Paleo after a cheat week from our whole30, I will let you know how it goes, but can’t go back to how things were before now!

What non-scale victories do you cherish? What was the first piece of clothing that made you stop and think “this doesn’t fit” or when you could put on those “skinny” jeans or dress or skirt or shirt and it fit?

We all need those small motivators to get us through a lifestyle change!

❤ Kelsi Rae

The insights of my children.

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I have no children, or I have anywhere from 32-100 on any given day, just depending on your definition of “your child” If your definition falls in the you conceived this child and gave birth to them, or even adopted them into your family and you feed and cloth them on a daily basis, then I have a whopping 0 children. But if you define your children based on the number of children you nurture, care for, find yourself staying up all night thinking and praying for, hoping more for their future than for the grade they get on some standardize test, if your children are defined by the amount of love you hold for them and how much potential influence you have over their life, than I have upwards of 35 children or more. I happen to define my children based on the latter.

I see these children for 8 hours a day 5 days a week, caring for their social and academic well being, I find myself thinking of them on my nights and weekends, to the point I was at the zoo taking pictures of the snakes, which I hate, because I knew they would motivate one of my children. I see an opportunity to teach them in every moment of my day, even when they are not with me I am thinking of ways to incorporate things into our lessons. I wish that I had more than 8 hours with each of them so that I could learn the intricacies of their personality all of the things that get pushed aside during the academically driven day. And while I am not say that reading, writing, math, science and social studies are not important, they are but I want to truly know all of my children as well. And if that does not qualify my to feel just like 1/4 of a mother to all of my students, than I guess I am in the wrong profession, but I don’t think that is true.

But than something happens everyday my students teach me something, they teach me how to operate some form of technology, they teach me about the ways that social relationships in fourth grade have not changed that much in 15 years and who the stars of the new Five Nights at Freddy’s game is, ( For more on that see this post https://myhairenvy.wordpress.com/2015/02/13/what-can-you-teach-ms-magisano/)  But every once in a while, a student says something that makes me truly stop and think, how are you in fourth grade and why does our world make you so acutely aware of these things at such a young age.

Today was one of those days. One of my few Black boy students was getting into a disagreement with another student who happened to be Mexican, both boys told each other to Shut up and I stepped in to tell them that was not respectful language and we do not treat our classmates that way. The Black student looked me dead in the eye and said, ” I am just getting pay back for what he said to me.” So with this student in is often better to just give it to him straight, without the teacher mumbo jumbo surrounding it.

So I stated, ” Who is going to get in trouble if you get payback, you or him.”

Him: ” We both should get in trouble, but I will get sent to prison and he will go to school.”

** This is where the conversation took a serious turn I was stunned jaw hanging open when this occurred**

He continued to state that he would go to jail, but when he got out he would find the other student and wack him ( I do believe he meant I will hit him, he is not in the 1960’s Italian mob telling me he is going to kill him)

We had an entire conversation around this, how he thought it was more likely he would get sent to prison while the other guy would get away with it. This comes after two separate instances with this student where a student has used racist language with him, he retaliated and he was sent to the principles office while the other student suffered no consequences. At one point the teachers on duty did not even know who the other student was, these racist statements were not seen in any way as a problem that merited a talking to with that child.

So yes this student is probably right, this comes from a student who is growing up in a world where Black Americans make up 30% of the population but they make up 60% of the incarcerated population. According to this article http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2014/07/18/chart-of-the-week-the-black-white-gap-in-incarceration-rates/

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my student as well as other Black men are 6 times more likely to be incarcerated in their lifetime than white males. Given these statistics are comparing White males and Black Males and no statistics in this particular study comparing Hispanic Americans’ from other work I have done the numbers would fall somewhere in the middle of the two.

But for me the sentiment is the same, why is my 4th grade student aware of these problems with our society, does he even realize he is voicing the concerns of many others much older than he is? probably not.

He probably feels like these things are isolated to this elementary school setting,

He probably has not even started to think outside of these walls that are supposed to be a safe and nurturing space for him, a space where all of his teachers claim him as a child, where they all feel like they are 1/4th of his Mother, and if that was the case these things would bother them as much as they do me, they would all be calling for a change in the system, a change from a system that systematically creates the school to prison pipeline for these students, that funnels them through till they are 18 and they can become a ward to the state, they would be outcrying to the district that has a 60% disproportionality rate of Black males in the emotional disability centers.

But that is not happening, instead I am having a much to mature conversation with my fourth grader, with one of my children who has way to much insight for his own good, trying to get him to see that this is not the way it has to be.

❤ Kelsi Rae

My Maundy Thursday

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So let’s just being by saying that before two days ago I had never heard of Maundy Thursday, ok thats not true I heard about it when we started going to Bloom last year but I heard foot washing and I was out.

I almost did the same thing this year, I thought I don’t know what the point of this service is and I really don’t want someone to wash my feet, but then I somehow ended up getting in the car and heading to church at 7pm on a Thursday for a mystery service on the Jewish Passover. Three of us were in the car on the way, counting the days till the Resurrection, going well, no Jesus would have still been alive, wait when was the last supper, he was crucified on Good Friday right, well this must be the last supper.. .yes that must be why we are having soup. ( Yes we had to do the math to figure out the importance of Maundy Thursday, don’t shun us from all of Christianity)

So now that we sort of kind of understood what we were going to we headed into church, down the stairs into our basement space that always feels just a little bit melancholy as you descend the stairs and entered into a room full of community and the wonderful smell of soup, ok maybe I can handle this.

We moved smoothly through the worship and soup portion of the evening, at this point I was thinking we could have Maundy Thursday every week but as Andrew ( our pastor) stood up to begin speaking I knew we were moving into the uncomfortable space, the space where Jesus knowing he was about to be betrayed moving towards his death and resurrection accepted the failings of his disciples and moved into the light into Good Friday to save us all.

But before he could do this he performed two great acts of love for his disciples he broke the bread, and poured out the wine, and he washed their feet, he knelt before them and took on the stature of a servant in order to wash their feet.

So why does this simple act feel like I just walked into the wall, like I cannot wrap my mind around the sacrament associated with this act. So I sat there listening to Andrew speak thinking, you cannot force me to do this. But then he started to speak about why this is so awkward for us, what is happening when someone, often someone that we are not intimately close to washes a part of our body that we often consider ultimately dirty.

I heard him say when Jesus washed their feet he was completely accepting the brokenness of the humans around him, he understood their betrayal and accepted it, and as he did this he gave the new commandment, the commandment of Love. And that in this moment thousands of years after his death, how is that love touching the world?  Will our outpouring of love touch the world? In what ways do we accept the brokenness of the world around us and pour love into it, I hope that I can find the brokenness and instead of turning a blind eye or searching for “an eye for an eye” I can pour love into the places that need it the most.

And if this is what my church is showing me by washing my feet, that they see my brokenness and are going to pour their love into me through this act then if i am going to be a woman that believes in this commandment of love than how can I refuse this, so I stood up and allowed a man I have only seen from the back of the church seat to place his hands on my feet and wash them clean of the despair and brokenness that I try to hide from the light.

In that moment I looked up and I could see the wonderful man I will soon call my husband also getting his feet washed across the way and I felt a wholeness a sense of belonging and community that is often missing from church for me, where I feel alone and ignorant in the ways of the church, but on this night we were all one community partaking in soup, laughter, love and the semblance of a last supper filled with Paleo friendly chili, and gluten free, dairy free, organic, flavorful spinach and kale soup

I stood from the wash station and stood in a line of barefoot 20 somethings that attend Bloom, dressed in plaid shirts, covered in beards, dreads and as many hipsters glasses as we could find where we were all just searching for something, something we cannot find at the many craft breweries we frequent before church, something that has drawn us all here to this melancholy basement  filled with dozens of tea light candles, and a small table filled with boxed wine and gluten free bread ( have I said we are mostly 20 something hipsters yet?) Here we are drawn to this table, to the love of a man that would have knelt before us, and washed our feet before he poured himself out for us in the greatest act of love.

How can I pour myself out, how can ensure that my love touches the world, in what ways can I heal someones brokenness, how can I wash your feet?

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❤ Kelsi Rae